I am Jack's blue swollen testicle.
That's what crossed my mind in a fight club-esque narrated voice when I saw the huge blue sphere that once was his testicle, followed by multiple damns and ouches. Let's just roll with it and call him Jack.
Jack had his inguinal hernia operated early this morning and had apparently been running around all day. Jack also didn't quite grasp the concept of rest and, more over, gravity. Resulting in a tennis ball sized swollen and hemorrhaged testicle. Well, at least he was pain free, but he sure isn't going to be doing the dirty anytime soon.